1. |
Bert in Time
01:36
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Bulldozed down the shitter again
Outnumbered and afraid
Unhand me
I feel the grip of death
Around my ass
Flapping, flopping
Snatched by my buttocks
And rattled like a milkshake
Släpp mig för fan
Shoved down the cozmo-potty
As time and space distorts
Whirling down the wormhole
Stretched and squished like gum
Thrashing to and fro
And it's not even fun
Up is down
Down is up
Left is right
Right is wrong
I am space
I am time
I am cozmo-Bert
In time
Bwii
Squirted out of existence
And squirted in again
Marty McKarlsson
I am become Kôrv
The sneaker of the snouk
At last I am ejected
Upon a distant land
Covered in space poop and mucus
I gracefully descend
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2. |
Excalibert
01:48
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Every farmer, peasant and king alike
Pulling on my rumpeltusk for knåg and fetusland
To see who will be worthy
And slay the dragons with the Bertasword
One by one, they all concede
To draw me from the stone
Until the morning shines on the crack
King Fartur shall be crowned
The one who wields Excalibert
Shall rule forevermore
And sit beside the knights of Karlcelot
Until the end of time
War
Is
Upon us
Draw
The Bertasword
Fight King Fartur
Fight for England
Slay the dragons
Free the maidens
Fight for dragons
Fight the maidens
Slay King Fartur
Free the England
But old man Fartur is old and drunk
And trusty Excalibert was gambled away
Lonely and rusty he sits on a wall
Who will protect England now
Snatched by my buttocks, again likt förbannat
Slurped and mangled and distorted
The wormwhole has other plans for me
The Astro-Bert returns to time
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3. |
Mannen Med Järntasken
01:45
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|
I'm försöking to smeaking my roevahoel
And våldsrunking i min cell
Jag vill böga, jag vill dö
Jag vill bli en kôrv med brö
In genom dörren dundrar min räddning
De tre snusketörerna har tagit mig i sikte
Anosh, Armafis och Porros
Sugen till dödens rand
Stj'ärtagnan den jäveln
Ska alltid förstöra mitt kukande
Stjärtas som svettas
Och pittar som skriker
Järntasken uppbruten
Nu jävlar ska det bögas
Porros, min arme vän
Värjan penetrar hans sargade balloingkniut
In genom röven och ut genom pungen
In genom pitten och ut genom röven igen
I Roslagens famn, på den blommande ö
Där vågorna kluckar mot strand
Och vassarna vagga och nyslaget hö
Det doftar emot mig ibland
Blod och bajs
Röv i pitt
Fisk och slem
Skit i hä
Moshpitrunk och naturvidrigheter
Franska staten är helt lamslagen
Inför sodomi i kungahuset
Lagstadga fredagsbög
Jaga grisen in i riksdan
Romantik och ost och vin
Blommor och Gösta och Nicklas och Sven
Gick på en runda och sen gick de hem
Igen
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4. |
The Wormhole
01:02
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|
Bört Karlsson
The Astro-Bert
The Jättebert
The sneaker of the snouk
Has been spacenapped
By a large mysterious hand of doom
Shoved into a massive wormhole
He traverses the outer hyperspace
And pierces the very fabric of time
His consciousness is therefore projected
Into various famous historical characters
In no particular chronological order
Deal with it
|
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5. |
Bert the Ripper
01:59
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Slishing, slashing, slushing
Riving, raving, ruving
Slitting, slicing from cunt to piehole
Fondling the innards, cradled by their stank
Plundering the hollow corpse
and stuffing my sack
Entrails dripping upon my trail
Skipping down the cobblestone
Hidden by the cover of night
Lusking, lurking
A terrible fiend
I am Bert the Ripper
Ripper the Bert is me
Behold, lonesome
My greatest of foes
He is the Mr Lusk
Mr the Lusk is he
From Hell, Mr Lusk
Kidney for you
Very tasty
Yes indeed
Catch me when you can
Mr Lusk
Slishing, slashing, slushing
Riving, raving, ruving
Slitting, slicing from cunt to piehole
Fondling the innards, cradled by their stank
Plundering the hollow corpse
and stuffing my sack
Entrails dripping upon my trail
Skipping down the cobblestone
Hidden by the cover of night
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6. |
All-Bert Einschwein
00:52
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Time and space is one
And bent it also is and so on
I am the All-Bert
And the sneaker of the snouk
And hör sen
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7. |
General Cruster
00:55
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Denna låt skulle handlat om General Crusters slag vid Little Big Horn
Men
Nu handlar den om våran trummis Donkey Pång
Som slarvat bort nycklarna till replokalen
Skulle inte vart så kaxig
Inte så kaxig nu va
General Cruster
Skulle inte vart så kaxig
Inte så kaxig nu va
Donkey Pång
Mina damer och herrar
På piano i kväll
Lord Honk von Tut
Vi sitter här och dricker Kång
Gris, Väs, Mackä och apan själv
Nästa låt handlar om Bert
Jag lovar
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8. |
Bert the Impaler
03:38
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High up in his evil carpathian tower
Bert the impåler sits upon his skeletal throne
Surrounded by corpses, semlôr and kôrv, and ål, and krefts, and chäpphs
The turks are trying to steal all ov his kôrv
And he zcreams in terror
Vakter, vakter
De smiter med all min kôrv
Thus he pursues the tjyvs
To impale them with his grind grand kôrv
Flailing, screaming, the impaling of an reev
Conquered by his mighty might
Transylvania is now eye zkream
Kôrv
Kôrv
Kôrv
Så där som moomin
Kôrv
Ål
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9. |
The Leviathan
01:08
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From the dark and damp streets of Whitechapel
To the misty, dreary mountaintops of Wallachia
Bert the Rumpelipopman
Continues to travel
Though time and space
All of a sudden
A great tentacle grabs him
By the flaps of his ass
The unmistakeable scent of seawater
Causes his ragged nostrils
To spasm and twitch
When suddenly
A bell solemnly tolls
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10. |
Kapten Blekfet
01:32
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Jag vaknar av klockan
Surrad vid masten
Bakfull och chockad
Slagen med kvasten
Hej och hå och en flaska med rom
Besättningen sjunger en sång kör
Jag sliter mig loss och stämmer in
Träben och krokben och hatten är på
Blekfet är jag och skutan är min
Kapten Blekfet
Havets skräck
Kapten Blekfet
Vinden i seglet
Och flaskan i hand
Pungen i rodret
Och båten i hamn
Hej och hå och en låda med kôrv
Men se här kommer stormen
Tentakler flaxar i skyn
Det är Kraken som kommit att ta mig
Vi sjunker likt skruvstäd i dyn
Kapten Blekfet
Havets skam
Kapten Blekfet
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11. |
Atflintis
03:34
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Metamorphosis
Tissue tears together
And stitches apart
Scales protruding through my epymysium
Slits forming gills conjoining the trachea
And flippers stretched from the crumpled bones
Mucus penetrating pores
A hairless fishman I've become
Ahoy, there it lies
Golden, shiny and slimy
There awaits the king of the sea
In the sunken city of Atflintis
He greets me with a bow
And then slängs me to front line
To war with the crab, the kräft, and the underwater lizard people
Like a supersonic torpedo
Riding on sharks, parachuting with octopussies
Hajtämjar-Bert, det är jag
Fear my name, and tremble before the fishmen
Jousting on top of seahorses
A swordfish my trusty weapon
Lassoing the crabpeople with åls
Crawling
From the
Abyss, old ones, eldritch horrors
Grabbing
Groping
Stranger danger
Ancient tentacles dragging me to the even sunker city of R'lyeh to feast upon my soul
Ahab the fisher king harpoons me through my ass
Reeling in the eldritch catch when the wormhole intervenes
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12. |
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Anfall polen
Blitzkreig, snöbollskrieg, kuddkrieg och alla de slags krieg
Ni kan tänka er
Skjut den lede fi, skjut dina egna
Men först, skjut dig själv
Skåda, den bepansrade mustaschbataljonen
Spräng och spring och göm alla judar
Med Leif-Idolf Fittler som missil
Belägrar vi er med vår mäkta makt
Grisar som flyger
Ryssar som smyger
På Tysken
Och Ryssen
Och Bellman är där
En djungel av tarmar
Tarzan utan armar
Inga armar, ingen bulle
Och heller ingen världsfred
Ät en grod
En baguette
Ät en grod och en baguette
Ät en grod
En baguette
Ät en grod i en baguette
Helvete
Bunkern är belägrad
Vart fan har du gömt mitt cyanid, kärringjävel
Nu jävlar ska jag hemsöka Stalsson och hans jävla mustasch
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13. |
Karlsson På Taket
00:42
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Hejsan hoppsan Lillebror
Vill du se min pillepropeller
Den är lite liten, men den snurrar ändå
Protestera inte så jävligt
Följ med Pappa upp på taket nu
En vacker och genomklok och lagom tjôck man i sina bästa år
Nu du, unge Herr Svantesson
Ska du få se på fan
Nu ska du få möta
Världens Bästa Karlsson
En ofantlig best av ovärldsiga tag
Med en pyttepropell att propellera sitt byte med
Upp på upptäcksfärd
Upp mot skyarna
Ett smakligt litet mellanmål
En fiskmås hastigt snyter
Plask ner i asfalten
Karlsson, Karlsson
Världens Bästa Karlsson
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14. |
The Renegade
00:38
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|
As Bert once again
Is sucked into the wormhole
And is thrown too and fro in time
Still wet from the ocean
And smelling of gunpowder
He finds himself on horseback
In the wildest of wests
Where a surprise awaits him
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15. |
Buffalo Bert Rides Again
02:34
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An old cowboy went riding down an old and dusty plain
And suddenly he realised his mind was not the same
His hunger burning for the kôrv and for the semmelbulls
And for this reason strutted down
To hunt some buffalo bulls
Yippie-a-o
Yippie-a-e
Yippie-a-o
Västerns fjärt
Yippie-a-o
Yippie-a-e
Yippie-a-o
Buffalo Bert
(Bert)
Alas my luck is out
Tågtämjar-Roger and his trusted Lok-Leif is upon me
Strangling me with the tracks
And then he’s gone
Now that brave ol’ Buffel-Bert’s been weathered, whooped and beat
And still can’t find himself some semmelbulls or kôrv to eat
He carries on to ride along that old and dusty plain
A poor and lonesome cowboy he surely will remain
Yippie-a-o
Yippie-a-e
Yippie-a-o
Västerns fjärt
Yippie-a-o
Yippie-a-e
Yippie-a-o
Buffalo Bert
Buffalo Bert
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16. |
Weihnachtsbert Klausson
01:58
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Fuck
Santa is late again
And his poor little helpers are working frantically to save his lazy ass
Stuffing the sack
Tying the reindeer fast in their tracks
Stuffing the pathetic fatman to place in his sleigh
Takeoff
Mid flight he begins to wake
From his drunken slumber
Flailing, screaming, flying through the air
Spilling klapps and äting kôrv
Crash down the chimney
Exploding through the fireplace
Reindeer and klapps in a pile of mush
A cylinder of flesh has entered their dwelling
Spruting toddy and julaskink
From his gaping wounds
Ho-ho-ho you mätherfäkers
Finns det nå snälla barn här
Tomten är full
Tomten är full
Tomten är full
Och nu jävlar ska ni få
Tomten är full
Tomten är full
Tomten är full
Och nu ska ni fan dö
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
And now he's gonna skewer you
Upon a polka-stake
With Christmas tree in hand
And fire in his eyes
He puts upon the Christmas tree
A human Christmas star
With what is left of Rudolph
He slops and flops away
He leaves behind a mayhem
And a very merry Christmas to all
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17. |
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In the golden land of the Egypt
Lies a golden kôrvakung
In his golden sarcophagus
Inscribed upon its golden surface
With letters of golden gold
Is written the foreboding doom
That shall befall those who seek to unearth
The sausagean monarch
Woe unto you who breaketh this seal
Of my everlasting slumber
Thou shalt bring forth the end of the world,
And of Japan (Made in Taiwan)
Bah
Exclaims the good ol' prospector
I care not for suck silly poems
Torka och sand
I faraonernas land
Sfinx'n han smet
När Tut-Ankh-Karlsson sket
Sket sket sket sket sket sket sket
Sket sket sket sket sket
Sket sket sket sket sket sket sket
Sket sket sket sket sket
This, said "ol' Prospector" proceeds to molest
The golden tomb of doom
When suddenly, a noise is heard
From the golden sepulchure:
Släpp ut mig, släpp ut mig
Min tusen års ilska är för stor
Rekommenderas ej för barn, gravida eller ammande
Eller personer känsliga för koffein
Denna tobaksvara skadar hälsan och är beroendeframkallande
Torka och sand
I pyramidernas land
Klet-o-Pattra smet
Likt häxan i Hans och Gret
Gret gret gret gret gret gret gret
Gret gret gret gret gret
Gret gret gret gret gret gret gret
Gret gret gret gret gret
A pyramid as buttplug
And the obelisk as massagestav
Å hela jävla Egypten dog
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18. |
The Last Semleraj
02:01
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Catapulted above the treeline
Like a bulbous arrow he penetrates the forest
Pummeling through the front line
Of the armies of General Hottodoggu Semmelman
With a single dexterous swipe
His Falukatan slices through the ranks
Splitting them in half
And making them into semmelbulls
With cream and almondgunk
In between their severed spines
Five hundred men collapse like a pile of pastries
Sliced into sushi and rattled like a milkshake
Kräm
Clashing swords and traversing the rooftops
Bulls
Moving like a shadow, hunting for his nemesis
Hottodoggu Semmelman
In the endless halls of the semmeltemple
Lies in wait the hideous beasts of a hidden realm
And the burden of countless lives
Lies upon the last Semleraj
Sneaking, smyging, lusking through the halls of doom
Crouching semmel, hidden Karlsson, rökt kalkon
A trap has been set for the Semleraj
A pastry dish looking very kawaii
Kräm
The succulent patisseries has foiled him again
Bulls
For settlement he must defeat
Hottodoggu Semmelman
In the endless halls of the semmeltemple
Lies in wait the hideous beasts of a hidden realm
And the burden of countless lives
Lies upon the last Semleraj
Finally the Semmelman is stood before him
And the last Semleraj prepares for his final battle
Bert, Bert of the fjärt
Bert of the stjärt
From the stjärt of the Bert
Sprouts another Bert
Into the semmelhalls
He slowly makes his way
And a beast with gräddelballs
He faithfully must
Slay
Och hela jävla Japan dog
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19. |
The Usurper
00:56
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When the deed is fulfilled
And his arch nemesis solemnly klyvd
Another shall rise
From the shadows
The wormhole whispers of a usurper
He who is prophecied
To bring forth the Armagräddon
A Karlsson to end all Karlssons
Leif-Ivan Karlsson
He is become death
The destroyer of worlds
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20. |
||||
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Fight me, you coward
And give me all your kôrv
Smack me, you bastard
And give me all your kôrv
Claw me, and gnaw me and rip off all my clothes
Rape me, and vape me
This Karlsson wants your kôrv
A final battle for the kôrvatron
Yoink
You jävel
And give me all your tron
Punch me
You fegis
This is Armagräddon
Rusta er, mannar
Nu jävlar ska ni få
Med ålar och kräftor
Och alla tillbehör
Karlsson mot Karlsson
En man mot en mus
Vem som är vem
Det får ni lista ut
Femton armar
Elva ben
Sjuttio kôrvar
Och en gren
Senap och ketchup
Och kärnvapenskrig
Båtar och horor
En rustad liten Stig
Helmer
Vässa pistolerna
Och ladda knivarna
Face the Karlsson with your face
Murbräck the front lines
With your face
Fighter Roster
General Gräddius
Predatorsk vs Älgien
Mr. Lusk
Grannen i Beck
Konstapel Kaffekask
Mark Zuckerberg
Mecha-Bert
Örjan Lax
Anders And
Mårten Gås (bara en gås som heter Mårten)
Pisse Mugg
Ultimats Rydberg medelst Rynkarna
Älgmartin
Pelvis Wrestley
Ludfwig van Skeethoven samt den likes femte symfoni
Edward Blom
The Slam Kryperz
Alla strumpor som försvunnit i torktummlarn
Ghandi's gatukök och kebubbrare
|
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21. |
||||
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Here I stand
At the end of time
A billion lifetimes
To lead me to this fateful day
I have traveled through aeons to fight him
I have him in my greasy grip
But like a tvål he always slip (s)
Finally I can taste my revenge
I can sniff it in the rumpeltusk
Born from an ill advised snack
And squirted into existence
From the ashes of the Armagrädd
The Hyper-Karlsson now ascends
A Karlsson to end all Karlssons
Only the Karlssest shall remain
Face me on the Eagle Mountain
You låtsaskung of Sommarland
I am the Karlsson to stand like a king
The king of fakking everyting
I have traveled through aeons to fight you
I have slain the draconian beasts
Deflowered
Disemboweled
Feel the power of cosmo-Bert
For the honor of Skara and semlor
Shall i klyv you with
My körvasword
To hell i condemn you
Conquered by my mighty might
|
||||
Maggot Infested Ventriculus Sweden
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